photos by timothy mak photography
Recently, I realized that my escapist fantasies of being a full-time artist were somewhat illusionary. While my lawyer job as been giving me a lot of grief lately, I was experiencing much grief at my last music gig, as my friends chattered and laughed amongst themselves and appeared to be disinterested in my music that I had worked so hard to prepare. Ouch.
As I am accepting what happened, I am realizing that this is the life of an artist, dealing with rejection, even from those you love, all the time. Nine out of ten times, no one cares that you struggle within yourself to get on stage; no one cares that you are baring your soul as you sing the lyrics you wrote during a meaningful moment in your life; no one cares to give you a fighting chance to share your music; no one gives. And the sad part is, even if they do, I, like many artists, being so self-absorbed, may not see it.
So why would I choose to put myself in these situations, to choose this as my life? According to Livingston Taylor, musician and Berklee School of Music professor, I don't choose it -- I do it because nothing else fits.
Sometimes a lawyer or doctor will approach me and express their desire to be onstage. I'm bemused by the naivete. They don't understand that people who write, paint, dance, or
sing do so not because they want to (in spite of what they tell themselves) but because they must. Nothing else seems to fit.
You want to be a performer even though you know there are easier career paths to choose, like the steady work and health care benefits found in a big corporation. Instead, you're willing to go it alone in the cold, dimly lit world of the performing arts. You didn't choose to be here. Nobody does. You are here because you're driven.
- Livingston Taylor, Stage Performance
What Taylor says resonates with me, but I don't want to believe it. I want to believe that I have a choice and that I can have both the steady, well-respected conventional and professional job (of being a lawyer) and the vocation of my passion (of being a singer-songwriter, filmmaker, writer). However, I have to say that, as of late, it's been difficult to put 100 percent in everything I do, and I am exhausted and discouraged.
I just don't know.
Along the same topic, I would like to share about two artists/professionals I met this year that have inspired me to fight for both the professional and artistic aspirations of my dreams.
Chad Woodford (IP attorney, filmmaker, yoga instructor)
I met Chad at a Bar Association volunteer event at the SF Food Bank. As we were scooping and measuring rice to put into bags, I picked Chad's brain about pursuing his film career while working as an attorney. I found it noteworthy that he is a solo practitioner which allows him more flexibility with his schedule. Check out his documentary piece on the kids of Golden Gate Park.
Travelin' Kids from Chad Woodford on Vimeo.
I especially like his piece on the Marina, which I consider a guilty pleasure, as an East Bay-er who loves to hate on the Marina.
Marina Nights from Chad Woodford on Vimeo.
Kris Racer (Former consultant/business school student/aspiring gaming project manager)
I met Kris through my artist friends in Oakland, when he came to one of our songwriting circles and I found out that he was in SF for the summer for an internship at Zynga and went to b-school in Chicago. Impressed and intrigued with his current business aspirations but also his working singer-songwriter status, I picked Kris' brain about both the "business" of gigging, grad school, but also just career guidance, generally. Thanks, Kris!
